soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
