What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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