So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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