if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
