her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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