don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize