The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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