dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
