in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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