As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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