Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
