The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
