Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
