OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
