Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
