FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
