Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
