jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
