he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
