The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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