You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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