you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
