Cold hands, warm shart.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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