I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this just has baby written all over it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize