So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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