I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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