i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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