it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
