i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
