i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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