How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
