I am in a vortex of obligation.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize