my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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