he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
