who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
