I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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