I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry about my life...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
