I skipped work to stalk him.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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