I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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