if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
