so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
