Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
