sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
