Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize