sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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