that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
