That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think i got beer on your cat.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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