Quick, to the slutcave!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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