My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
