I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
