Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
