i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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