It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
