So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
