So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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