i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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