I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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