Got a toothbrush?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
