Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
