i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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