so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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