Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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