I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
