So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
