my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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