Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize