Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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