Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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