you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize