This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
