the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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