Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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