I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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