FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
