Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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