We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
