I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
