my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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