Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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