dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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