these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
