She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was confusing and full of hummus
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize