Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
