Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
