I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
