So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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