Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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