im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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