I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
