Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
