Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
