I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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