ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
