i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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