did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
