Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
