it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
