it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize