I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
