Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
