oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sarcasm needs its own font
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
