Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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