Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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