I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
