we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
