At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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