That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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