In the future we'll all be gay
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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