he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
