We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize