what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize