dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
