tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
