I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
