We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
