apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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