like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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